I’m over the majority of my old hurts and crap these days. Man does that make life better. But the wounds still show up. I recognized most of them a while ago and how much they terrorized my life. I tried a million things to help, most didn’t work. Now I’m learning how to change what I can and accept what I’m stuck with. They tell me that’s the definition of serenity. That feels right.
After years of contemplation I wasn’t able to find any “fix” but instead found the patterns that fucked me up over time and I learned to recognize behavior that didn’t serve me before it hurt me, giving me time to change course more often than not. This is amazing, considering.
I’ve learned how to replace what didn’t work for me for what does. That’s progress not perfection as they say. I’m glad I stuck with it long enough to see this. That’s really the trick of this life, sticking with it.
I thought finding peace would be easier than this. But I don’t need easy, I’ll gladly replace easy with real every day now, sometimes with a few words, sometimes with actions, sometimes with non actions.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”